Loomnie

Sometime last year I wrote about Asa’s album. At that point I had only listened to a few of her songs, because, as I wrote, I was not able to buy the album on iTunes. I got it a couple of weeks ago in the market here in Cotonou, from a Nigerian-owned electronics/VCD/DVD/CD stall. I didn’t have time to listen to it until Sunday, and I haven’t stopped listening to it since then. I normally wake up with one of 360 and No One Knows singing in my head, and take a shower with Subway lurking somewhere in the bathroom. Settling down to check my mail, I stick my iPod in my ears to listen to the whole album. So Beautiful now tops my list of the songs on the album.

If you don’t have the album please get it; I promise you will love it.

First some cases
I had been thinking about writing about this for a while, but due to work I have not had the time to do it, until now, that is. I got to Nigeria to learn that a friend who got married and whose wife gave birth while I was away was a wife beater. I was really scandalized because I could not understand what could make a man beat up his wife, especially up to the point that she is bed-ridden. Another friend told me that one of our mutual (female) friends who slept at the couple’s house during one of those nights told him of the issue. She – our mutual friend – was begged by the wife beater not to tell any of us about the situation. Of course, it was the devil’s work, abi? Because of this, my friend, who was told of the situation, could not call the wife beater to order, because this would jeopardize the friendship between our mutual friend and the wife beater. Yea, you could wonder how important a friendship with a wife beater could be but, like the case always is, it is complicated.

Shortly after I heard about this I visited and stayed with one of my friends. He and his girlfriend were living together. While I was there they had a bad quarrel that did not result in any kind of physical assault – I am grateful for that because I don’t know what I could have done if it had – but the girl packed up her things to leave my friend’s house. I tried to be a good friend to both of them and tried to help settle the issue. My friend’s girlfriend called me aside and told me that my friend had beaten her a couple of times. She had not told any of his friends about this. At that point I stopped any attempt to reconcile the two of them because I thought that it was probably good that she was leaving anyway. I went to my friend to ask about this and he told me that they had a fight. Later, he admitted that he did beat her. I told him that I was happy the girl was leaving. About a week later, I learnt that she had moved back in with him. The only thing I could do was to tell him that if I ever heard that he beat her I would personally attend to the situation. But that is assuming that the girlfriend tells me about it.

Quite common
I really had no idea that wife bashing was that common until I talked about this with a female friend who told me that it was very common, even on university campuses. See, I grew up in a family where the mother was very independent. She, to a certain extent, did not give any of her children the impression that women were meant to depend on men, financially and otherwise. I simply cannot imagine what would happen if my father ever tried to beat my mother… I really find it unimaginable. So, for me, it was especially scandalous to learn that my friends were actually beating their women. I still am trying to wrap my mind around the idea, and I am not doing a very good job of it at the moment.

Certain things are worse than, or at least are as bad as, sleeping with other women
This is not, in any way, to justify cheating; it is mainly to expand the meaning of the term. I, along with my closest friend, am adding to the ‘cheating’ list 1. deprivation of ones family of ones income (formally know as squandering ones salary on drinking and, yes, on ‘carrying’ women), this especially in, but certainly not limited to, situations where the woman does not have an employment, or earns much less than the man. In situations where the woman also has an income as good as, or even better than, the man’s the man still owes it as a duty to the family to pool resources towards acquiring, and maintaining, mutual belongings (ha… I should have studied law!)…

and 2. beating up ones wife.

Nigeria is currently legislating against some kinds of dressing. The major sponsor of the bill has said that ‘indecent’ dressing contributes to incidences of rape, pitching the responsibility in cases of rape at the doorstep of the victim. I am wondering whether she might add wife beating to the effects of ‘indecent’ dressing. Yes, the last statement sounds absurd, but just as much so as the assertion that ‘indecent’ dressing leads to rape. A country that recently criminalized homosexuality is not creating an environment in which women can safely seek redress in cases where they are mistreated by their men. These things just lead one to ask exactly how the representatives of Nigerians perceive women, who are at least half of the people they represent. But then, what does one expect from a country in which a former president has been publicly accused by his son of sleeping with his (former president’s) daughter-in-law?

I read an interview of blogger Steve Clemons by The Pakistani Spectator on the Ethical Blogger. This struck me, perhaps because I have been really busy these past few weeks.

The best blogs — the most read blogs — are done by people who typically have multiple roles as academics, journalists, policy practitioners, think tank intellectuals, closeted soldiers, and the like. The busiest people with no time on their hands generally write the best blogs.

But I feel tempted to add that these busy people need to have really regular access to the internet. You can read the rest of the interview here.

… that Nigeria supplies 25% of the oil consumption of the USA?