Loomnie

From the Guardian, HT naked capitalism. Enjoy!

I just got this in the mail:

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Nigerian Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

”Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

”No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator..

”Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

”Really?, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.

”I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven..”

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

”Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren landcovered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls fromabove.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

”I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and therewas a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drankchampagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wastelandfull of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil smiles at him and says,”Yesterday WE were campaigning. Today, YOU voted..”

**Vote wisely in 2011 Elections

Click to enlarge.

Check this out:

“Here’s something you always like to see,” Stewart says, scanning the front page of the Washington Post.“ ‘U.S. Trade Deficit Startles Markets.’ Now, we’ve understood the U.S. trade deficit for a while. Are the markets small children that are easily startled? The next day, they’ll get an unemployment number and go, ‘Oh, I don’t know why we were startled and lost 200 points yesterday; today, we realized the shirt on the chair wasn’t a monster, so we’re going to put 300 points back on the Dow because we’re fucking 5 years old.’ ”

Read it all here. H/T @Dollabrand.

The factory that is making the SA 2010 World Cup mascots is said to be making a Zuma doll. ANC says it does not know about it but promises to investigate.

Check out the story here. Plus some commentary here.

The presidents discuss whether or not we need a president. A bit less tongue-in-cheek than my commentary.

HT Seye Abimbola.

Couldn’t resist posting this.

HT Jeremy

Couldn’t resist posting it.

HT Ta-Nehisi Coates

Leave a baby behind!

Probably the most honest sex tourism advert till date.

According to the BBC, the advert was pulled off YouTube following complaints that it promotes promiscuity.